Time melts away as my a/c window unit circulates mildew-infested air around my bedroom at my new place. I like my new home, even though I sometimes have to manually reset the water pump in the toilet or wring out a load of clothes from the washer because it decides it doesn’t want to work anymore half way through the cycle. It’s a nicer, family-friendly neighborhood here, where I imagine future stroller walks with my happy baby.
I finished reading ”Betrayal Bond” by Partrick Carnes. . http://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Bond-Patrick-J-Carnes/dp/1558745262/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-4779903-5963050?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184334118&sr=1-1
It’s intense self-therapy that dissects my behavior and codependency. There is such a thing as a biologically-produced chemical addiction, Phenethylamine http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenylethylamine
. So codependency and sex addiction can be a chemical addiction as well. It’s internal, so not readily accepted by the mainstream as an addiction like with alcohol or drugs. I’ve thought this for some time that there was some connection with bio-chemistry, and it’s nice to finally know that it is real.
I’ve just started reading “Don’t Call It Love” that was lent to me by one of my COSA support group members. This book dissects the behavior of the sex addict. http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Call-Love-Recovery-Addiction/dp/0553351389/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-3409915-8478317?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184705761&sr=1-1
. “Out of the Shadows” is supposed to be even better regarding the subject, so I’m looking forward to getting a hold of that next. http://www.amazon.com/Out-Shadows-Understanding-Sexual-Addiction/dp/1568386214/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-3409915-8478317?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184706057&sr=1-1
I don’t know if I can resist my enabler when or if he gets out, but right now I am granted distance and a no contact order from him while he is on “vacation”. I’m allowing myself to get a grasp on reality and his behavior and betrayals and heal and regain my strength. I don’t know what his current state of mind is. He may be completely furious with me, and I don’t care. I doubt he has any remorse or comprehension of what he’s done. He’s too arrogant and selfish for empathy.
Blink 182- “Man Overboard”http://www.bestvideocodes.com/bvc/blink182-manoverboard2.php
so sorry, it's over.there's so much more that I wanted and.there's so much more that I needed and
time keeps moving on and on and on... soon we'll all be gone.Let's take some time to talk this over.you're outta line and rarely sober.we can't depend, on your excuses.because in the end it's fucking useless.you can only lean, on me for so long.bring the ship about to watch a friend drown.sittin' out on a ledge, begged you to come down.you can only lean, on me for so long.I remember shots without a chaser.absent minded thoughts now you're a stranger.cover up the scars, put on your game face.left you in a bar, to try and save face.you can only lean, on me for so long.Man on a mission.can't say I miss him around.insider information.hand in your resignation.loss of a good friend.best of intentions I found.tight lipped procrastination.ya, later... see you around
Blink 182- “I Miss You”http://www.bestvideocodes.com/bvc/blink182-imissyou2.php
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare.the shadow in the background of the morgue.the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley.we can live like Jack and Sally if we want.where you can always find me.we'll have Halloween on Christmas.and in the night we'll wish this never ends.we'll wish this never ends.(I miss you, miss you).Where are you and I'm so sorry.I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight.I need somebody and always.this sick strange darkness.comes creeping on so haunting every time.and as I stared I counted.webs from all the spiders.catching things and eating their insides.like indecision to call you.and hear your voice of treason.will you come home and stop this pain tonight.stop this pain tonight.Don't waste your time on me you're already.the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you).don't waste your time on me you're already.the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
Blink 182- “Down”http://www.bestvideocodes.com/bvc/blink182-down2.php
The drops of rain they fall all over.this awkward silence makes me crazy.the glow inside burns light upon her.I'll try to kiss you if you let me.(this can't be the end).Tidal waves they rip right through me.tears from eyes worn cold and sad.pick me up now, I need you so bad.Down down down down.(it gets me so).Your vows of silence fall all over.the look in your eyes makes me crazy.I feel the darkness break upon her.I'll take you over if you let me.(you did this).Tidal waves they rip right through me.tears from eyes worn cold and sad.pick me up now, I need you so bad.Down down down down.(it gets me so)
Alanis Morissette- “You Ought Know”http://www.offuhuge.com/media/2764/Alanis_Morissette_You_Oughta_Know/
I want you to know .That I'm happy for you.I wish nothing but.The best for you both.An older version of me.Is she perverted like me? Would she go down on you in a theatre? Does she speak eloquently?And would she have your baby? I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother.'Cause the love that you gave that we made.Wasn't able to make it enough for you.To be open wide .No.And every time you speak her name.Does she know how you told me you'd hold me.Until you died? But you're still alive.And I'm here to remind you.Of the mess you left when you went away.It's not fair to deny me.Of the cross I bare that you gave to me.You, you, you oughta know.You seem very well.Things look peaceful .I'm not quite as well.I thought you should know.Did you forget about me.Mister Duplicity .I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner.It was a slap in the face.How quickly I was replaced.And are you thinking of me when you fuck her? The love that you gave that we made.Wasn't able to make it enough for you.To be open wide.No.And every time you speak her name.Does she know how you told me you'd hold me.Until you died? And I'm here to remind you.Of the mess you left when you went away.It's not fair to deny me.Of the cross I bare that you gave to me.You, you, you oughta know.Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me,And I'm not gonna fade.As soon as you close your eyes.No .And every time I scratch my nails.Down someone else's back.I hope you feel it.And can you feel it? You, you, you oughta know.
Hole- “Drown Soda”http://www.codesandlyrics.com/cal/hole-drownsoda.php?play=1
Ooh, yeah he wants to take you,take you away from your life. Ooh, yeah he wants to help you.Come on and take my hand.Ooh, yeah he wants to kill you,baby, I know you'd understand.Just you wait till everyone is hooked..Ooh yeah, he wants to take you,take you away from your lies.Ooh yeah, he wants to take you,take you away from your life.Are you gonna sit and watch me? Watch me while I go down...Ooh yeah, he wants to kill you. Tell you about my life.Sit in the corner and I drink drown soda.